Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Enjoy the Season

Hello again. I have been away for some time. I have not been finding much time to blog nor craft. I was able to finish AND SEND out my Christmas cards this year, something that I typically do not do well.

I have been struggling quite a bit in the last few months. Probably in the midst of applying for, getting and having to turn down my dream job at a transplant center, I got thrown into a tailspin and probably into a little depression. DH and I found out just how poor the housing market was and we were not prepared to take such a hit on our home. In this economy, being financially stable is a good thing, and risking everything for virtually a lateral move, was not in our family's best interests. Every day, I am more all right with the decision, and there is less thought about what might have been.

Which brings me to my struggle. I am a happy person. I do well in my job, and with my kids. Lately, I have not found a lot of centeredness. I have not wanted to craft, go out, watch tv, or much of anything. The only thing I have been able to keep my focus on is cooking dinner and cleaning the house. The house is by far NOT spotless, but I am keeping it up. It is mindless. I do not think it is depression, but could be if I let it get worse. I know I must watch it.

This struggle has caused me to really reflect. I am not alone. I have my wonderful kids who I enjoy time with, while they grow, and a wonderful husband who is always interested in talking with me and being with me.

SO what is the struggle? I do not know. There are so many people out there who are really alone, who have little or no one by their side. SO I vowed this Christmas, that I was going to soak up the season. Soak up the process. It was NOT a chore, or a hurry up and get it done decorating session.

I baked Christmas cookies and fudge and almond bark (that is not really baking but so what). I cannot remember the last time I took the time to bake for Christmas. It was always a chore before. We made cookie press butter cookies, and some of them turned out kind of ugly, but they tasted oh, so yummy!

We decorated over a period of two days, and enjoyed the process. I made my Christmas cards, and sat down and hand wrote all of them, and mailed them this past Sunday. Historically, I have gotten caught up in making the cards, and forget to send them out, and end up giving them away to my mother-in-law, so this was a huge accomplishment for me.

My shopping is done. I focused on thoughtful gifts for those that I love and not so much on the $$ value.

I invited my brother over for Christmas Eve. He is truly alone, although that man has more friends than I can comprehend. We have not always seen eye to eye, but I will have him over, and enjoy having him with us at Christmas. we plan on eating yummy food, playing games, and maybe Texas Hold'Em.

Our parents now winter in Texas, and usually leave for there in November and spend the Christmas holiday with my sister and her husband in Austin, so we will not see them this year. I will miss them, and hope that one day, we can all get together for Christmas again, because I miss holidays with family. I always miss my sister, and hopefully we will be able to spend a Christmas together again someday too. But for right now, I will enjoy my brother and my little family on the holiday.

These two probably give me the most joy out of anyone. Fun and funky, goofy and silly, loving and smart and smart-alex, all wrapped up in the bright, wonderful almost grownup kids that they are! That describes DH also (he's almost gronwup also...teehee), but we rarely photograph together.

Well that is it. I hope and plan for time to blog. More time to enjoy doing it. It may not always be crafting, or lots of pictures, but hopefully it will be a place for me to put my thoughts down and in the right order.

Merry Christmas to you all! Love and Hugs, Lara


wendipooh13 said...

{{HUGS}} sounds like you have been going through alot the last while!! I miss seeing your craftiness, but I've had my ups and downs with being crafty this year too, so I totally understand.. hope you and your family have a VERY merry christmas!!! BTW been lovin playing Words with ya!!!

Pam said...

I have been struggling with depression myself in the last year and a half. I lost my dad a year ago last summer and that really put me in a tailspin. But I have been seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and you will too. (((HUGS))) Wishing you a Merry Christmas!

BabyBokChoy said...

Thinking of you!!!! Hope you are feeling more upbeat!!